Ladies Night on the Enterprise
by Psicygni
Summary: One shots of Uhura and the other women of the Enterprise. This is so fluffy you could stuff a pillow with it. Rated M for language in following chapters. Spock/Uhura mentioned, Kirk/Bones mentioned, plus some previous Kirk and Bones dalliances with other characters.
1. Chapter 1

The way Darwin sees it, in addition to Uhura's company and her willingness to share her considerable stash of makeup, there are certain perks to her joining the women in Carol's quarters when they get together.

The first night had been a bit awkward. When she arrives, they are a few drinks in and happily abusing Kirk, as Christine, newly returned to the ship, cheerfully recounts what amounted to a truly horrible one night stand. "And so after that, I just can't, and I get up to leave, and Kirk's just sitting there, naked-" Christine's on a roll when the doors slide open and Uhura stands there uncertainly, backed by the light in the corridor.

As Assistant Chief Science Officer (a title that always made Carol snort in that upper class British way and lament that with Spock's work hours, it was a miracle there was any assisting left to do), Carol has the biggest quarters of any of them. Still, they aren't large and Uhura can certainly hear the topic in question as she steps in the room.

"Kirk?" Uhura asks, taking the seat Rand vacated for her. Rand squirms on Carol's bunk between Hannity, Madeline, and Jodi, all four leaning their backs against the bulkhead and messing up the quilt in a way that Darwin is sure drove Carol nuts.

"Sorry," says Carol quickly, directed at Uhura. "We didn't mean- I know he's your friend."

Uhura sits primly on the edge of her seat and looked at all of them. Darwin had a sudden, sinking sensation that Carol's impulsive invitation that afternoon had been a mistake. Drinking isn't strictly forbidden on board, but Hannity has a shift in a few hours and Carol is on call in the morning. None of them knew Uhura well, since she was clearly one of the boys on the bridge, as they called them. She ate with Kirk, McCoy, and Spock in the mess hall, and went running on the treadmill next to Sulu in the gym, and perhaps that wasn't a line ready to be crossed. But Uhura smiles, looked down at her lap, and then back up at Carol, then Christine.

"I'd love to hear about Kirk," she says. "I'll tell you about the time he was in his boxers under my roommates' bed at the Academy." She reaches down beside her and pulls out a bottle Darwin hadn't noticed her carry in. "I brought wine. I didn't know…" she pauses and looks at them again. Darwin often thinks of Uhura as one of the boys, invited to their poker games and spending shore leave with the other senior officers, but maybe not. Maybe, Darwin thinks, she's lonely, up there at the top. "Don't tell the first officer," she says with another smile and ducks her head, clearly embarrassed.

And she becomes one of them with that, since out in the black of space, the other crew members were all they had and on a ship like the _Enterprise_, women are far and few between.


	2. Chapter 2

The next week, Uhura brings a case – _a case_ – of European chocolate, lugging it down the corridor and dumping it triumphantly on Carol's desk. "Diplomatic gift from the Tellarites to New Vulcan," she says, massaging her wrists. "That damn thing has been in my quarters for weeks. Not the most thoughtful item they could have come up with. Not even Tellarite. The Vulcans didn't want it and it was going to be left at Spacedock."

"I can't believe you're still so skinny," Rand breathes as they all come to stand around the table, staring down as if the box were a religious idol.

Jodi reaches out, reverently, and touches a foil wrapper. "This is worth more than the starboard nacelle."

"We could sell it and retire," Hannity says, already unfolding a corner and breaking off a piece.

"We should probably inform the Captain and quartermaster we have such precious cargo," Darwin agrees, picking up a bar and retreating to the sofa.

"That's what I thought," Uhura said. "Now, I want to hear the rest this story about the time McCoy took you for drinks, Carol. And we all know how it ends, since Kirk and him share a bedroom wall with my quarters, so I want to know just how deep his denial was at that point."


	3. Chapter 3

"You would think that I had only finished high school, not studied advanced weaponry," Carol says, pacing in the tiny space between her storage locker and bunk. With all of them crammed in there, it was impossible to get a good amount of strides in. "I'm going to have to get a stepstool to see over their shoulders when they all get like that, turning so I can't even see the monitor."

"Hawkins does that," Hannity commiserated. "I'm going to get 0718 to 'accidentally' knock him out of the way next time he hogs my station."

"I'll teach you some Romulan," Uhura said, opening another bottle of Andorian whiskey. "Hawkins is still pretty sore about that. I caught him studying Low Rihan the other day, though I didn't point out he had the text upside down. That way," Uhura pauses to pour a bit of whiskey into Hannity's empty glass, "you can show up Hawkins on your own, without 0718."

"Next up is shrinking Scotty to Keenser's height so I can see over him," Carol added and Darwin laughed into her own glass.

"Toss a sandwich in the corner," she suggests. It felt so good to get these things out there, to be able to talk about their senior, and invariably male, officers. "He'll be on it like Admiral Archer's beagle."


	4. Chapter 4

"The skirts and boots aren't the only problem with whatever sadist designs these uniforms," Christine grips, stripping off her excursion jacket and dumping the gray garment on the floor. Carol frowns and picks it up, hanging it over the back of a chair. "What is with Starfleet and turtlenecks? I feel like I can't breath."

"Oh I don't know," Darwin drawls, tucking her legs under herself at Carol's desk chair. "They're pretty good at hiding… evidence," she says, with a pointed look at Jodi.

Jodi picks up Carol's pillow and throws it at Darwin, who catches it easily and throws it back. "I only see Taylor every couple months! Not all of us get laid like clockwork around here."

None of them look at Uhura, since the Commander is still the Commander, but Darwin notices her blushing regardless.


	5. Chapter 5

There's nothing like a romance between an Orion and a Trill to drive a plot, Darwin thinks as they eat replicated and slightly gummy popcorn, a holovid blaring on the monitor on Carol's desk.

"That is such crap," Hannity snorts, throwing a piece of popcorn at the screen.

"Oh, I don't know, Orions have been known to have restraint now and then. I roomed with one at the Academy, and you should have seen her lead this guy on for years. _Years_. It was like a tentacle explosion the night I finally walked in on them." Uhura finishes her bowl and refills it in a way that makes Darwin wonder how she keeps that flat stomach. "She's on the _Clinton_, upgrading their warp drive. Didn't you serve there, Carol? You may have met her."

"No, I almost did," she says, eating popcorn with a messiness Darwin would have thought impossible coming from her. "Instead of on the _Enterprise_."

"Kirk said he requested you," Uhura says slowly. "He wanted your skills if we get assigned to the Neutral Zone."

"Oh, is that what Kirk wanted," Carol says, looking darkly at her handful of kernels, then back up. "I didn't accept this posting, at first. I know Kirk's a good captain, but I really didn't want to serve under him." She shrugs, and goes back to eating, seemingly done explaining herself.

"He's not so bad," Christine says, nudging Carol with her foot and giving her a hard look. "Why didn't you want to work here? Afraid of being the second blonde?" She looks at Jodi. "Third blonde?"

"Well, yes," Carol says, looking resigned to explaining. And maybe, Darwin thinks, a little relieved to get something off her chest. "We all know about Kirk and I just…" She sighs, and looks at her hands again. "When I went to change to go to that moon with McCoy and look at the torpedo, Kirk and I were still talking, so I figured, what's the big deal? We're both professionals, he can look the other way while I change. But he turned around. And I had to ask him twice not to look. And I was in my underwear. In a great bra, mind you. I would not have attempted to pass forged transfer papers in anything less. But after that, I just couldn't imagine working for him. Why respect him if he didn't show any for me?"

The room is quiet for a long time.

"What happened?" Madeline asks, breaking the silence.

"I finally decided that I wasn't going to keep him from standing between me and such a great career move, and I wasn't going to serve on his crew with that hanging between us, so I went to his office. And he felt bad, or he at least apologized and said that he was wrong and it wouldn't happen again. And it hasn't, though I'm not taking my clothes off in front of him again, so he won't have the chance."

"He hit on me constantly at the Academy," Uhura says gently. "He's an ass. A brilliant, successful captain of an ass, but one nonetheless. I wish I had done what you did and just called him out on it. Maybe it'll help him grow up a bit."

"And he's not as smooth as he'd think," Christine adds.

"That means two of the senior staff have seen me almost naked," Carol says with a sigh. On cue all the other women's heads snap towards her. "Well, it wasn't just drinks with McCoy," she said with a smile. "He's cute, you've got to admit. And I think we both wanted to stick it to Kirk a little."

"One of you still is," Jodi says around a mouthful of popcorn.


	6. Chapter 6

Uhura is following the Captain around the mess hall, waving a PADD at him. Kirk, so far, has managed to dodge her questions, though Darwin clearly recalls Uhura doing something similar during the shift change this morning, and after the senior staff meeting at the end of alpha shift.

He slides into a seat between Spock and McCoy and glares at his companions. "A little help here?"

"In my experience, Captain, Lieutenant Uhura always succeeds in her goals. It may be advisable to acquiesce, since she will not waver from her intended results in this matter."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment, Spock," Uhura snaps, her eyes never leaving Kirk's face. "Kirk, you spend one day, and only one day, wearing these boots, and I will conveniently overlook the fact that you 'forgot' to forward my recommendation regarding the female uniform regulations."

"No!" Kirk says, his blue eyes getting wider as McCoy starts chuckling. Uhura fixes him with a glare she must have learned from Spock because Kirk starts backpedaling. "They look… I can't…"

"They look uncomfortable?" Uhura supplies, slapping the PADD on the table in front of him and leaning closer. "Torturous? Impractical? Intolerable? Unbearable? Not all of us spend our day sitting in a soft chair, sir."

"I believe, Captain, that the quartermaster would be able to procure a pair in your size," Spock says evenly, not even looking up from his meal. "If that is one of your objections."

"Your feet are freakishly small, Jim," Bones adds, still snorting a bit.

"They are not!" Kirk snaps, gaping at him. Uhura starts tapping her foot and still hasn't looked away. The mess grows quiet, since watching the Captain squirm is infinitely preferable to replicated food. Kirk seems to realize this and glances around at his crew, before leaning towards Uhura and lowering his voice. "Fine. One day."

"Tomorrow. Alpha shift. The whole shift," Uhura says, holding out a hand. Kirk shakes it, looking mutinous.

"Fine," he says again. "I'm sorry that I didn't pay more attention to the memo." He opens a ketchup packet and begins smearing it on his fries.

Spock puts down his fork and turns to the Captain. "Sir, I feel it is my duty to remind you that I've scheduled you for a tour of the newest engineering systems in the morning, followed by a review of the environmental controls with Lieutenant Keenser. I can recommend an analgesic for the pain, since you will not be at your customary post on the Bridge for the duration of your shift."

Uhura smiles at Spock, wider than she did most times in public, and gently touches his shoulder as she goes to get her own meal.

When the new boots came in at their next stop at a Spaceport, Carol reverently unpacks the pair delivered to her quarters. "I think this is worth celebrating," she says, pulling them on and sighing with pleasure.

"Thank you, Captain Smirk," Jodi says.

"Let's burn the old ones," Madeline supplies.

"Or," Carol says, admiring her boots in her mirror, "I need a pretty small target to calibrate the new weapons array. And I believe that the whole crew is due to be recertified on null-gravity target practice."


	7. Chapter 7

"I turned it down," Uhura says, smoothing her hands over her uniform skirt. Darwin rarely hears her speak with such conviction, their evenings normally tempered by a game of cards and some good gossip. "After all that on Vulcan, I just… I didn't want an award, and I certainly didn't want an award that recognized 'outstanding service to Starfleet by a female service member.'" She straightens her shoulders and raises her chin. Darwin feels a swift surge of defiance on Uhura's part, imagining her staring down a room of Admirals. No matter how it actually had happened, Darwin likes that image. "If I'm going to get a medal, I want to compete against the whole field. I want to beat everyone, you know? Not play a different game than the men."

Hannity raises her glass and they all clink their drinks together silently. Jodi reaches under Carol's bunk, to the place where they've stashed the very last of the chocolate. She holds it in outstretched hands, ceremoniously, as if conferring a medal as prestigious as the Hernandez Award.

"Fuck them," she says, tossing her head so her blonde hair is out of her eyes. "We know you're better than them. And if the men on board had to compete against you for a medal like that, they'd all be working as hard as you do."

Uhura eats the chocolate with a huge grin.


	8. Chapter 8

It's only three days past Christmas when they get around to celebrating the holidays together, since it's difficult to find a morning they're all off. They decide to change their evening meeting to the morning, even though only three of them had any experience with Santa Clause growing up. Uhura had promised to make it worth it.

She and Carol are in Carol's quarters together, and the minute Darwin enters, a familiar smell hits her so hard she wants to cry. Uhura's measuring out coffee – real, freshly ground coffee – into a filter suspended over a carafe.

"We had to improvise a bit," she frowns. "Not a lot of coffee makers on board. Although Kirk has something stashed under his kitchen sink that he won't let me see, and it's either a still he's keeping from Spock, a coffee pot, or something that puts McCoy in a good mood."

"The Captain has a kitchen?" Darwin asks out loud, since she's never really thought about the perks of the Deck 2 quarters, where even Uhura doesn't have a cabin.

Jodi pushes in behind her, smiling and clapping her hands at the table in front of Uhura and Carol. "That third thing you're thinking about is in the Captain's pants."

She walks over, inhaling deeply as Uhura takes out another scoop. Carol is putting cinnamon rolls on a plate. They're replicated, unfortunately, though Darwin thinks it's a nice touch.

"Where," Hannity says from the doorway, "did you get that?"

"Spock got it from the Vulcan embassy. They have cupboards of stuff like this that they get for diplomatic functions, or receive as gifts. Vulcans don't like anything," Uhura sighs. "They want, like, more socks."

"Please tell me you didn't get the Commander socks for the holidays," Christine says severely, entering the room and taking a deep inhale. "That's just too horrible to consider."

"No, not socks," Uhura says, but though she's smiling, she refuses to say what she did get him.

Uhura makes them all promise to not tell the Captain about the coffee, since she has a bit left that she's hoarding as a bargaining chip, if it's ever needed. Darwin thinks about pointing out that she's the only one among them, except maybe Carol, that does anything more than call out status reports around the Captain, but it's Christmas and she just raises her cup to her lips for a long sip.

"I missed real coffee," Carol says, cradling her cup and leaning back in her chair.

"I miss snow," Christine says.

"I miss my Dad's horrible Christmas sweaters," Uhura says.

"I miss my Dad," Jodi says, and Carol squeezes her hand.

"I miss my sisters," Darwin says, but then looks around at all of them gathered there, drinking their coffee and eating replicated cinnamon buns. "But it's not as hard as it was before."


	9. Chapter 9

Kirk looks startled, then thrilled when he opens to doors to Carol's quarters and they all look up from their cards. "I didn't know there was a party!" he says, attempting to step over the threshold.

"Jim, no," Uhura says, jumping off Carol's bunk to stop him. "Some things are sacred."

Spock appears at the Captain's shoulder, handing him a filmplast and a small box everyone in Starfleet recognizes.

"Well, this is a good one, I promise," Kirk says with a grin. "Ensign Darwin? The computer located you here and we just got the transmission. We can do this privately, tomorrow, if you'd like."

"No, sir," Darwin says, rising from the couch and straightening her shoulders. Her breath catches, and her focus doesn't waver from the box.

"Congratulations, Lieutenant," Kirk says, opening it and presenting new stripes. "For your work navigating the _Enterprise_ out of Earth's atmosphere and saving the lives of those on board."

Darwin feels Christine grab her shoulders in a hug and Kirk's smiling at her, and she actually hears clapping. The Captain hands her the small container, where the stripes and new pips for her dress uniform sit, along with the filmplast containing her new orders. Spock gives her a slightly less stern nod than normal, the Captain shakes her hand, and the two men turn to leave before Uhura stops them.

"Honey, would you mind grabbing the box in my storage locker? Behind my boots?"

"Can you be more specific as to which boots? You seem to be procuring extra pairs at a startling rate."

"The boots. Brown. Buckles. Rigellian."

Darwin is pretty sure Spock sighs as he heads off with Kirk in tow, only to return in a few minutes, the Captain telling a very loud story involving a Trill, a Betazoid, and an Andorian.

"You're still not invited," Uhura says, stopping Kirk with a hand when he looks eagerly at the box, and then the room of women. "Don't wait up," she says to Spock, and turns back towards the rest of them.

"We can hang out all night," Kirk says, smiling before the door shuts. The soundproofing on the _Enterprise_ is good, but not good enough to muffle Spock's despondent "Indeed."

Uhura opens the box to reveal a bottle of champagne and proposes a toast to Darwin's promotion. She briefly wonders where Uhura gets these things, but it's hard to care when Uhura passes her a glass and the other women all start demanding a speech.

"It feels good to be recognized," Darwin says, holding her glass up. "Though I think we can all note the futility of lieutenant stripes when there's no place for them on our uniforms."

"Long sleeves!" Jodi says, raising her own glass, then looks at her wrist with a frown. "Though, of course, no stripes on mine."

"Someday," Madeline says, "someday for all of us."


End file.
